Jay: Oh, all right. Banky: Well, *you're* in love. At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it. Banky: That's what the internet is for. OOH you little f***. Ben Affleck: Are we gonna have a problem... again? And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. It's really a f***ing drag. Chaka Luther King: No, you the man, and that's the problem. Well, first, I want you to tongue my bung, while you juggle my balls in one hand, and play with my asshole with the other, but don't stick you're finger in. I came up with it before PBS. Jay: Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat? Steve-Dave Pulasti: Would you stop saying that? is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A. Go to hell! Catchy, ain't it? Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. Banky: You know what? Chrissy: Two reasons. Jay's Mother: Alright, don't you f***in' move you little shit machine.
. Slandering others anonymously. She is too fine. Went to film school. I miss dating a lesbian. I mean, I don't think I'm alone in the world in imagining this flick may be the worst idea since Greedo shooting first. Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order. Goddamn yous all to hell! Now they may be gay, but that's not their son. Jay: Holy hell, is that monkey waving at us? Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes. This job just passed the point of no return! Holy shit. Chaka: I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody. Jason Biggs: Right. Pumpkin Escobar: I don't know what the F*** you just said, Little Kid, but you're special man, you reached out, and you touch a brother's heart. Jay's Mother: YO, F*** YOU YOU F***ING SQUARE! Here Quick-Stop potheads Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Smith) wreak vengeance on Hollywood, where Miramax is making a "Bluntman & Chronic" feature inspired by J. and S.B., but without their permission. Holden: The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another. You know it, but... a Jay and Silent Bob movie? Justice: You're not paralyzed. Reg Hartner: And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with. A 10-82 is disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer. Jay: All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid f***ing movie. When said property was optioned by Miramax Films, you were legally obliged to secure our permission to transfer the concept to another medium. I pinch it like this. [on bullhorn] You are free to leave, sirs! Jay: Don't you never say an unkind word about the Time. Jason Biggs: F*** you and your Dawson's Crap! Jay: Look, man. I know this poor hapless son of a bitch does. Why? Brodie: Yeah, but then they made "She's All That" and it went downhill from there. Jay: Hell yeah, that's because he's from my sperm. Jason Biggs: There's a script for this movie? And might I add, that's a fine looking boy you're raising. Its time I get my black ass out of here. Jay: I hope one rips the other one's shirt off and we see some f***in titties floppin around, yeah! Jay: Oh, Hi, I'm Jay and this is my hetero-life-mate, Silent Bob. Jay: Word, bitch, Phantoms like a mallf***er. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, Jay and Silent Bob are in the hizzouse! The white man stole it. I thought they only did classy pictures, like "The Piano" and "The Crying Game". All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... F***beans. Jay: If today is Tuesday and the movie starts filming on Friday we have, Holden: three by my count... but close enough. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Dante Hicks: I can't believe Judi Dench played me. Oh sweet irony! Then you're all you motherf***s are next. They took your intellectual property and turned it into one 90-minute long gay joke. What if there's more supermonkeys up at that lab? Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this f***ing face. Slandering others anonymously. Then, we throw the Dixie cup out. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey- the monkey will spank us. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Don't you ever want anything more for yourself? Get the f*** off her. Come in, you. Hooper: You should be. It does whatever the f*** I tell it to. Now they may be gay, but that's not their son, that's the ape! It's the fifth comedy in Smith's celebrated New Jersey "trilogy." What you don't believe me? 'Scuse me. Ben Affleck: You're like a child. And for the record, I ain't gay. Chaka: Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT. Banky: What've I been telling you? Justice: Call me 'Boo-Boo-Kitty-F***', bitch. And he's playing Chronic, aka Ray. It was just a tranquilizer.