It just waved.". Have you heard the one about the skunk? I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. Me: (Any kind of food I felt like eating at the time. I went into a store to buy some books about turtles. Never mind, it really stinks. Here comes part 3. The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?'". What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. That’s how they justify their classification as “globally recognized” jokes! And while there's certainly a place in every amateur comedian's routine for a few groaners—we're looking at you, dad jokes—these clean jokes manage to walk that delicate line between jokes that stay on the right side of PG and ones that will actually make you laugh. Come to think of it, I see why. Mom: You're still moving out even if you don't, right? A meowntain. The librarian says, "This is a library." What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Ten tickles. Do you know a funny joke? Click here to send it to us. Live smarter, look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest. 8-year-old me: I'm going to go play outside." Enjoy those clean one liners. Hi bud! Make me a sandwich! Use a ruler. No. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals. Mom: Why did you let the chicken out? —opticon, This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. And while the classic iteration of these is pretty offensive, sexist, ... Added bonus: we’ve gone ahead and tried our best to clean up some of the worst offenders so you can enjoy these totally safe for work versions. Mom: You came out of my personal space." The first one's on the house. —Pest_Bringer, [image id='42f125d5-7249-4473-b6f4-77d2a8aba627' mediaId='bc31ef88-6cea-4474-87ce-9074d7f980c1' caption='' loc='C' share='true' expand='true' size='extrasmall'][/image]. Make me a sandwich! Luckily, I've been clean for five years. From the best clean jokes for adults to funny clean jokes of the day, this big SFW list has something hilarious for everyone: kids, teens, seniors and co-workers. Yo mama so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off. Let's set the record straight on this common misconception. History's crème de la crème of agency-produced comedy. Because he always has a great fall. Antibiotics and insulin aside, laughter is undeniably the best medicine. The good, the bad, and the covered in powdered milk. —Mix_Master_Floppy[link href='https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/58xhwp/reddit_if_there_are_dad_jokes_what_would_a_mom/d947n76/' target='_blank' 0='data-tracking-id="recirc-text-link"' link_updater_label='external']. The quack of down. I'd come out of my room to find groceries on the table and a recipe on the counter." To hear these total groaners! Is this pool safe for diving? The next time you've got an audience to impress, these funny clean jokes are sure to have everyone cracking up. Snowcaps. What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? "My wife, I, and our teenaged son and daughter were out for a family dinner when my wife suddenly blurted out, 'Everyone at this table had been in my vagina!' Pop. A grasshopper sits down at a bar. Just follow the fresh prints. And I'm really excited. But what about mom jokes? My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. Beer. You look flushed. Yo Momma Joke 04 Yo Momma is so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans am i wearing i said Guess and … Because there were lots of knights. (Drains wineglass.)" Yo Momma Joke 01 Yo Momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in! How does a dog stop a video? We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. How about Cole's Law? Because everyone has the right to make their kid groan. Then it hit me. —ChapinGrillSgt, [image id='67fc272e-c33a-45c4-b78f-a012312fa872' mediaId='07e279d3-af25-4b2d-bd32-398525cc7934' caption='' loc='C' share='true' expand='true' size='extrasmall'][/image], "One of my friends is pregnant. We pick every product that we think you'll love the most. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. What is the best day to go to the beach? How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? Privacy Policy. (Eye roll.) (Eye roll.) FatCamera/ Getty Images. Hint: They’d be great inside that homemade card that you’re not going to forget to make for your mom.